FIRST I MADE PLANS REVISITED

Through out all the months on the road, but especially in recent weeks unexpected choices have come up and i find myself asking ... 'if not now, when?' ... to those situations and choices. With some freqency i follow up with asking myself ... 'isn't this why you disassembled your previous life? ... to be available to just this sort of situation ...Well, ya, but i still expected a different outcome.' ...

For a few weeks the Chaos of the unsettled was near unbearable for this bull. Everything i attempted to pin down spun out and away. It seemed as though i was getting further and further away from my imagined goal of work / career / calling. I was growing depressed. Depression is something i rarely have to deal with. Life was not bending to my will. Life was not following my rules. Crossing my T's and dotting my I's and still i was not moving in the direction i expected to be moving.

Brought to my knees, I prayed. I asked for help to unravel the chaos and confusion. I asked for peace. With prayer ties as focusing tool, i breathed in the life unfolding in me and through me. Again, i re-dedicated self as a conduit to serve life and the people. Hanging the ties from the pine tree in the front yard of the home i am staying in, the depression lifted and peace came into me with the breath. In under 24 hours the chaos began to loosen its hold on me. Situations that were not resolving were now resolving. There were many layers of situations one relying on the other to reach resolution and now one after the other resolution was created and the next puzzle piece and the next clicked into place.

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I have been confusing career with vocation.

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I have been assuming that the career and vocation were one. Perhaps because so often they have been one. I never questioned if it were possible for them to not be one.

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"When you are working within the field of Fortitude ....Some form of humiliation is often part of the picture, so you may face obstacles that will humiliate you while you are trying to ground your vision into everyday reality. The reason for the humiliation is mystical in that you are forced to relinquish your personal vision of how something should be accomplished, allowing for the divine plan to be set in motion."

Taken from DEFY GRAVITY by Caroline Myss

www.Myss.com

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