Concerning the Chaos Today's World

We now live from day to day with energy vampires in power over much of the earth. These vampires have international attention. These vampires are only the figureheads of deep-seated issues now in the fore, not only in this nation (USA) - but much of the world. These vampires and those of similar ilk will say and do whatever will bring them the most blood (emotional response which is what they feed on) - OUR MISSION (as I see it) is to not feed the vampire while simultaneously standing / resisting the tyranny, misogyny and fascism. The energy vampires encourage unrest as it brings them their primary food source (our fears, anxiety and anger). SO, despite all we must remain unshaken and peaceful while resisting with every cell in our being …. Then like tatanka / the buffalo we will weather the storms shrieking through our world. We need the FORTITUDE to go the distance. Stay strong. Remain peaceful. Love in vanguard. WE GOT THIS - we were born for this time.

FIRST I MADE PLANS REVISITED

Through out all the months on the road, but especially in recent weeks unexpected choices have come up and i find myself asking ... 'if not now, when?' ... to those situations and choices. With some freqency i follow up with asking myself ... 'isn't this why you disassembled your previous life? ... to be available to just this sort of situation ...Well, ya, but i still expected a different outcome.' ...

For a few weeks the Chaos of the unsettled was near unbearable for this bull. Everything i attempted to pin down spun out and away. It seemed as though i was getting further and further away from my imagined goal of work / career / calling. I was growing depressed. Depression is something i rarely have to deal with. Life was not bending to my will. Life was not following my rules. Crossing my T's and dotting my I's and still i was not moving in the direction i expected to be moving.

Brought to my knees, I prayed. I asked for help to unravel the chaos and confusion. I asked for peace. With prayer ties as focusing tool, i breathed in the life unfolding in me and through me. Again, i re-dedicated self as a conduit to serve life and the people. Hanging the ties from the pine tree in the front yard of the home i am staying in, the depression lifted and peace came into me with the breath. In under 24 hours the chaos began to loosen its hold on me. Situations that were not resolving were now resolving. There were many layers of situations one relying on the other to reach resolution and now one after the other resolution was created and the next puzzle piece and the next clicked into place.

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I have been confusing career with vocation.

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I have been assuming that the career and vocation were one. Perhaps because so often they have been one. I never questioned if it were possible for them to not be one.

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"When you are working within the field of Fortitude ....Some form of humiliation is often part of the picture, so you may face obstacles that will humiliate you while you are trying to ground your vision into everyday reality. The reason for the humiliation is mystical in that you are forced to relinquish your personal vision of how something should be accomplished, allowing for the divine plan to be set in motion."

Taken from DEFY GRAVITY by Caroline Myss

www.Myss.com

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I can not even come up with a title for this one

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After a life time of BELIEVING. Dropping belief. No longer believe that there is any solid ground under my feet. No longer believe there will ever be a way to get solid ground under my feet. No longer believe there is even such a thing as solid ground. Homeostasis is the foundation. Homeostasis is a dance. Reason is illusion. Security is a made up word. This one has given up on making sense out of the chaos.

A great and ancient stone knife is cutting through the middle of all things - cutting through the midde of the one doing this writing. Digging and looking - but not seeing anything. In utter darkness and blinding light.

Living in two worlds and now neither one makes sense. Living between the two realities is tearing apart EVERYTHING. No longer having any desire to hold IT together. No longer looking for life to make sense. Running screaming naked and exposed. There is not even a man behind the curtain to blame IT on.

How have those who have come before survived this great and awe-ful tearing apart? This has no reference point.

The scam perpetrated on all of us is tremendous.

Don't follow me, i don't know where i am going. I do know there is tremendous power here but it is all chaotic. I am dangerous. Look out.

i am not manic. i am not depressed. i am not delusional. i am crazy. i am peaceful. i am ordinary.

Maybe i will wake up tomorrow in suberbia in a lounge chair with an umbrella drink in my hand. Maybe but i doubt it.

Great hooves thundering across the plains. The whole earth is shaking now. They are coming.

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Don't be afraid to cry.

It will free your mind of sorrowful thoughts.

-attributed to the Hopi

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Our first teacher is our own heart.

-attributed to the Cheyenne

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You can't wake a person

who is pretending to sleep.

-attributed to the Dine'

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When a man moves away from nature

his heart becomes hard.

-attributed to the Lakota

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CONTROL Intellectually i know IT is about letting go of micromanagement control. The heart clearly knows it is about letting go of this kind of control. IT being this dance in and through life here on Turtle Island. Trying to totally manage the chaos actually prevents homeostasis. Being able to dance and move with changes to maintain balance sometimes requires pre-conscious level choices ... letting go of control. There is a choice: MAINTAIN CONTROL which brings with it nervousness, anxiety and the uneasy gut ... or ... LETTING GO OF CONTROL and being flowing and alive in the moment. Being in human form, there is usually a level of moving between the two. How good it feels to let go and be in the moment: breathing in the living air of the Mother Earth, drinking her water of life, letting the day take care of itself. i have a feeling (which may or may not be accurate) to completely relinquish control may be to also relinquish this human life. So it is a balance. Breathing in. Breathing out. Taking in. Giving out. Taking control. Releasing control. The suffering is as beautiful and the joy. The night as beautiful as the day. The poignant sweetness of this life brings gratitude. A family member made the journey yesterday. While here on The Mother he embraced Her and all of Her Gifts with love and a thankful heart. He took care of business and he gave his life to prayer. He loved his wife and he loved his daughter. He called things as he saw them and was honest in a refreshing way. He moved into the direction of his heart with intention. When he saw the direction was set to journey, he went with the flow. He did not seek to control this thing. He laid down prayers and went with the flow. We will miss you dear one. We are grateful we were able to spend some time with you. Your bravery is an example to emulate.

With love and respect ... Wopila / Thank You ... Good Journey