LONELINESS vs SOLITUDE

Why is this being human so very lonely sometimes? Even when surrounded by loving friends and family it can be so lonely. Conversely being alone in the woods can be peaceful and comforting - in a place of at-one-ment (atonement) with life. Clearly external circumstances alone do NOT dictate loneliness vs solitude.

Two of my daughters recently had babies. I spent time with them, attending the births and being with the new families as they got started. It was a time rich and full. It was a time of connection when loneliness was not a concern.

I then spent time with my daughter in Oregon who has a one year old. This also was a time of fullness when there was no loneliness.

Soon after the time with the daughters, i did spend time alone in the woods. Though this time was difficult in many ways, it was not a time of loneliness. It was a protected space rich and full of life. Clearly there is more to this loneliness vs solitude than proximity to other people.

I love my daughters and the heart overflows when i think of them. Being seperated from them and now from the little grandbabies is so painful. Now i feel lonely. Now my heart aches to a level that it is excrusciating. It is easy to think that the loneliness comes from being seperated from the daughters and the grandbabies. However, i am not sure that this is the case. That is to say, i am not sure if the source of the lonliness is seperation from my beloved family. Perhaps the true source of lonliness is selfishness coming from me. Let me explain.

When i was with the family my focus was on them. The intention to be there for them and to help them was paramount. Now, the focus has returned to Me, Myself and I. Perhaps the lonliness is a by-product of self absorbtion. When alone out in the woods, again the focus was not on the self. It was a time of prayer - occasionally for self and most often for others. There was no lonliness when the focus was NOT on self.

WHAT IS TO BE DONE - - - Sitting with this deep loneliness i feel now and not trying to FIX it - Not judging this loneliness as good or bad - seeking to not manipulate my daughters and make them feel responsible for my loneliness - seeking to not endlessly distract myself from this place of lonliness by going endlessly to the movies or out to eat or talking on the phone with friend after friend after friend. The restlessness starts to slow down as i just sit and observe.

This loneliness is all part of being fully human. Being in solitude is also all part of being fully human. One is not better than the other. Though solitude is certainly more comfortable than lonliness. However if we are choosing the journey of awakening - it is not all about comfort.

Escaping loneliness through distraction will never bring lasting satisfaction. Loneliness will always return. Oh well, it is time to accept who i am and who you are. We are human beings who are sometimes more or less lonely. There is nothing wrong with us. There is nothing to fix. We can allow ourselves to just be in the middle of this life which contains these components. Sometimes we are lonely and sometimes we are in peaceful solitude. One is not better than the other.

So ... ... ...

The monotomy and solitude of the quiet life stimulates the creative mind.

Albert Einstein

Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone and the word solitude to express the glory of being alone.

Paul Tillich

The good and the wise lead quiet lives.

Euripides

Solitude is the price of greatness

Paramahansa Yogananda

KNOWING We know what is so clearly. Yet we insist on pretending we do not know. Why do we do this? Think about it honestly - it is very rare for you to be really surprised by events. You pretend to be surprised but you are not really surprised - except in rare circumstances. Sometimes truth comes quiet but often she comes like a great crow cawing loudly and looming large in the tree next to you. Even when crow does come quiet like the dark of her night feathers, she is after all a creature of the day and can be clearly seen if we will only look and see. We have agreed to dance. We have agreed to dance with our partners, friends, family. Even those we meet only one time and never again we have agreed to this dance with them. We agreed to be born into this life. The Mother Earth welcomes us. We are her children. In dreamtime some years back i was shown / given a message which i continue to carry with me: I am in a high place with my family. We all love each other very much and know we are family. There is no one and there is no thing that is not family. We are all connected. We are all related. The Teacher asks us if we will enact a play. We all agree to be in this play. Some of us will play the part of 'bad guy' and some of us will play the part of 'good guy'. We are all admonished to remember - "This is only a play. It is not real. We are all family." The play begins. I am given the part with some of the family to be a human type creature but with wings to fly high in the sun light. Other family members are like great slugs who move through the mud in the deep places of the earth and never see the sun. As part of this great play we are to 'pretend' to be enemies. We are to pretend to fight one another as the light opposing the dark. In the beginning i remember and know that those slug people are my beloved family. However, somewhere along the way i forget. Somewhere along the way i come to think that i am a beautiful being of light and they are ugly creatures of dark to be destroyed. Then in a twinkling the play is over. The teacher is so sad. Many of us forgot it was only a play. We did not just pretend to attempt to destroy each other. From the deep places of our being we really tried to end the existence of the the other. How often do we bury our knowing of truth? How often do we forget that we are family so we can make it 'okay' to take from one another without concern for how the other is affected? This one has lived a gluttonous life. How long will i pretend to not know truth? Again the commitment is made to walk with you as family. Please forgive me, i forget.

Mitakuye Oyasin All My Relations