RIGHT vs WRONG

black - white

hot - cold

day - night

happy - sad

joyous - angry

up - down

yes - no

male - female.

left - right

GOOD vs BAD

i am right. i am wrong. i am black. i am white. i am hot. i am cold. i am day. i am night. i am happy. i am sad. i am joyous. i am angry. i am up. i am down. i am yes. i am no. i am male. i am female. i am left. i am right. i am good. i am bad.

i am not right. i am not wrong. i am not black. i am not white. i am not hot. i am not cold. i am not day. i am not night. i am not happy. i am not sad. i am not joyous. i am not angry. i am not up. i am not down. i am not yes. i am not no. i am not male. i am not female. i am not left. i am not right. i am not good. i am not bad.

http://www.lojongmindtraining.com/

FIRST I MADE PLANS REVISITED

Through out all the months on the road, but especially in recent weeks unexpected choices have come up and i find myself asking ... 'if not now, when?' ... to those situations and choices. With some freqency i follow up with asking myself ... 'isn't this why you disassembled your previous life? ... to be available to just this sort of situation ...Well, ya, but i still expected a different outcome.' ...

For a few weeks the Chaos of the unsettled was near unbearable for this bull. Everything i attempted to pin down spun out and away. It seemed as though i was getting further and further away from my imagined goal of work / career / calling. I was growing depressed. Depression is something i rarely have to deal with. Life was not bending to my will. Life was not following my rules. Crossing my T's and dotting my I's and still i was not moving in the direction i expected to be moving.

Brought to my knees, I prayed. I asked for help to unravel the chaos and confusion. I asked for peace. With prayer ties as focusing tool, i breathed in the life unfolding in me and through me. Again, i re-dedicated self as a conduit to serve life and the people. Hanging the ties from the pine tree in the front yard of the home i am staying in, the depression lifted and peace came into me with the breath. In under 24 hours the chaos began to loosen its hold on me. Situations that were not resolving were now resolving. There were many layers of situations one relying on the other to reach resolution and now one after the other resolution was created and the next puzzle piece and the next clicked into place.

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I have been confusing career with vocation.

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I have been assuming that the career and vocation were one. Perhaps because so often they have been one. I never questioned if it were possible for them to not be one.

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"When you are working within the field of Fortitude ....Some form of humiliation is often part of the picture, so you may face obstacles that will humiliate you while you are trying to ground your vision into everyday reality. The reason for the humiliation is mystical in that you are forced to relinquish your personal vision of how something should be accomplished, allowing for the divine plan to be set in motion."

Taken from DEFY GRAVITY by Caroline Myss

www.Myss.com

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The Pathway of MOTHER

This morning my daughter, Pure Joy, spoke of spiritual practice (called by some sadhana). She voiced concern related to not finding time for prayer, introspection and meditation as her time is so completely taken up with the care of her Little Lightning Boy. She spoke of levels of exhaustion wherein she could not stay awake or focused to pray.

How well i remember those days of holding, rocking, nursing, bathing, touching, touching touching with compassion and peace the little ones given to my care. The extended period of exhaustion was beyond anything i had experienced before or since that time. Yet concurrently there was a joy and peace beyond anything before or since. How i remember breathing in the essence of the little one, the purity, the life force so powerful. It was and continues to be humbling to be chosen to be Mother by Creator, Creation and the Spirit coming in as my child.

We then discussed BEING MOTHER as a pathway to the Center of All Things, my daughter shared her practices now and i shared my practices during that time when i was Mother to little ones. Practices wherein we are for days, months and years continually 'on call' to meet the needs of the little one given into our care.

By necessity related to the commitment to be Mother, there were/are no extended times for going into physically quiet places for long periods of focused melting and melding with spirit. It seems my daughter and i have both come to similiar practices to assist in centering. They are practical and simple and most important they really work to create opening to spirit in a good way.

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Be present in the moment, knowing that BEING MOTHER is The Practice

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Each breath is a prayer. There may not be time to have extended focused prayer/meditation, however a single breath with focus can be the prayer

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Put on Music that is prayer or sing to yourself and your little ones songs that draw us upwards to places of peace

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Read the words of those who love Creator and Creation while you are sitting and nursing your little one

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While preparing food, serving food, eating, feeding the little one put good thoughts/prayers into the food so that this is also a prayer

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Washing self, washing the little one is more than a physical cleansing, it is a cleansing of spirit also

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Washing clothes, washing dishes, folding clothes, drying dishes, this is also a prayer

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All care of the Little One is a prayer

... all is a prayer

... all is a prayer

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All is a prayer

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All is a prayer

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All is a prayer

The Way of the Heart

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The World According to Turtle Island Nomad, which may have nothing to do with your reality

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I am drawn to the Christ. Differentiating Christ from Jesus. Jesus was the man who carried the Christ Medicine / manifested the Christ Spirit. The Christ Spirit is the Spirit of LOVE prevading ALL. I honor the man Jesus and he was a man ... only a man. The difference between this man and others is that he chose to open himself completely to the LOVE. He became a conduit to serve the people. He gave his life as a gift to the people.

The mystics of the Christian pathway speak across the centuries to ALL WAYS. They speak in the language of those who follow the Christ way - and - for those who have ears and heart to hear, THEY SPEAK TO ALL WAYS.

The mystics / those who love Creation and Creator . . . speak the same language. They speak HEART.

There is only ONE WAY to the center of all things. That way is not only 'Christian', it is not only 'Buddhist', it is not only 'hindu', it is not only 'Zoroastrian', it is not only Lakota ....(choose any number of other pathways from across the Mother Earth and add in here)....

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I have a certainty that Jesus who manifested the Christ spirit would have no problem:

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*Practicing Lojong Tonglen with the Buddhists

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*Revere and hold sacred the living world as the Zoroastrians do

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*Use the japa mala/prayer beads with the Hindu practioners

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*Crawl into the Inipi to pray with the Lakota People

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With this in mind, consider reading THE CLOUD OF UNKNOWING. It is not an easy read and it shares the 'signs' common along the way to all who choose to follow the way of the heart. Feel free to insert the language of the path you have chosen to follow to help understand the insights offered. This book is a map of the terrain of the awakening heart. This book in it's entirety is on line at Googles book site whose link is at the bottom of this post. Directly below are a few short quotes from this book:

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"Be willing to be blind,

and give up all longing to know the why and how,

for knowing will be more a hinderance than a help."

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"But now you will ask me

'How am i to think of God himself, and what is he?'

and i cannot answer you except to say,

'I do not know' for with this question you have brought me into the same darkness,

the cloud of unknowing where i want you to be."

*****

"God, unto whom all hearts be open,

and unto whom all will speaketh and unto whom no privy thing is hid.

i beseech thee so for to cleanse the intent of mine heart

with the unspeakable gift of they grace,

that i may perfectly love thee, and worthily praise thee.

Amen"

*****

http://books.google.com/books?id=8PEJ-rfFj_oC&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+cloud+of+unknowing&hl=en&ei=xajeTOznKI3_nAfzisnXDw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result#v=onepage&q&f=false

PATHS CONVERGE

If i go far enough in any direction on true spiritual path, there is convergence with other true paths. Just as Turtle Island herself is criss-crossed with roadways to meander or move with resolve and intention, just so spiritual practice has 'hook-up' points.

WE ARE ALL CONNECTED.

Today i came across a small connection point. i was at the OSHO web site (www.osho.com) reading an atricle on the Aum sound. (Aum: Universal Panacea). Osho says, "The Aum creates within you the shivalinga, the egg-shaped energy circle. When you become perceptive you can even see it." Later in the same article he states, "The moment this happens to you, languor has disappeared. Now you are high energy." Osho says, "When you become silent with the chanting of Aum, you are sheltered, calm, quiet, collected. In that collectedness you can see which is the real voice which is coming from you, which is authentic." I interpret this "real voice" as wisdom when there is a gaining of insight from inner quidance.

In Lakota tradition (the people of the plains of Turtle Island) there is one who is talked about much, Iktomi the spider trickster. What is not spoken of as often is the origins of Iktomi. Before Iktomi came to be, there was Ksa. Ksa was the child of Inyan and Wakinyan. Ksa is wisdom and as such guided the people to places of being in wisdom. Ksa was later transformed into Iktomi when people stopped listening to wisdom. Some accounts say that Ksa was egg-shapped or odd shapped. Other accounts say he was born from an egg. For further information on Ksa one source to consider is the books by James R. Walker (Lakota Myth, Lakota Belief and Ritual).

The reference to EGG SHAPED is the connection point for me. Both pathways associate this EGG shape with Wisdom, listening and hearing innner guidance.

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When will we return to the Aum vibration that prevades all creation.

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When will we return to the wisdom of Ksa?

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There is much more that can be written about the fall from that place of Wisdom which occured when the people stopped listening ... to the aum ... to Ksa. That however is a topic for another day.

SETTLING IN ... soon

SETTLING IN ... soon

Interesting is it not ... the way we make plans and then the Universe seems to have other ideas. Here i am sitting in the corner ... raising my hand but the teacher does not notice me. Though i do not want to be so ensnared in STUFF as previous, i find over the last month or so a desire to settle in one spot, at least for a time. The old bull nature is reasserting itself. Winter is coming and i want to move into a quiet and safe place. After 4 months of traveling i am ready to lay my head in the same spot every nite ... at least for a while... Maybe the hollow of an old tree ... bedding down with the critters (oh maybe not that, as i do like having a heater ... but it is a sweet picture isn't it??!!)

I have enjoyed the last 4 months. It has been a time of learning and growing up. Not one step would i change . . . it has been worth it.

I have been from Florida to Georgia to North Carolina to South Dakota to North Carolina to Georgia to South Dakota to Utah to California to Oregon to South Dakota to Colorado.... and of course all the states you drive thru to get to these states.

Simultaneously, since California i have been applying on line for work with Indian Health Services in South Dakota. To date, i have put the application in 4 times. After each of the first 2 applications i called the local HR office in PineRidge. Each time they told me the application had not gone thru though each time i got e-mail confirmation that it had gone thru. After the 3rd application i called the central office at Aberdeen and a hard working HR employee has been helping me. Together we put thru a 4th application which showed up as going thru on my end but not on her end. Then today she saw that there are 2 seperate applications for the same job. One to be filled out by federal employees and native americans and another to be filled out by 'others'. i am an 'other'. The HR employee stayed on the phone with me and attempted to walk me thru the application for non federal and native american ... and it would not even allow me to enter the application for this job. the HR person also tried and was denied access.

Winter is coming. You can smell it and feel it. The desire to settle in for winter is strong ... and i am still dancing on the wind.

Presently i am sitting homeless in a library, using thier wireless, to let you know ... "Oh my, not sure what is next." Optimism continues as i bought a new stethescope today as my other is in North Carolina.

....soon....

DIRECTION

DIRECTION

The direction of the day is NORTH. The color of the day is RED. Time to look inside and see. Driving in a red car on roads that are literally red related to the clay on the roads.

i had a dream last night i was with one of my sisters, Patticake. We were laughing our heads off til tears came to our eyes. . . or maybe we were crying just as hard with sorrow. Either way, the salty tears reminiscent of the amniotic waters flowed.

Birthing

Waters breaking

Breathing

The beauty of this life . .

breathing it in

It brings me to my knees

Life pulses in and through

Forever.

How are we to survive this exquisite sensation:

Being born . . . over . . . and over . . . and over . . .

The only thing we can do is dance