FIRST I MADE PLANS REVISITED

Through out all the months on the road, but especially in recent weeks unexpected choices have come up and i find myself asking ... 'if not now, when?' ... to those situations and choices. With some freqency i follow up with asking myself ... 'isn't this why you disassembled your previous life? ... to be available to just this sort of situation ...Well, ya, but i still expected a different outcome.' ...

For a few weeks the Chaos of the unsettled was near unbearable for this bull. Everything i attempted to pin down spun out and away. It seemed as though i was getting further and further away from my imagined goal of work / career / calling. I was growing depressed. Depression is something i rarely have to deal with. Life was not bending to my will. Life was not following my rules. Crossing my T's and dotting my I's and still i was not moving in the direction i expected to be moving.

Brought to my knees, I prayed. I asked for help to unravel the chaos and confusion. I asked for peace. With prayer ties as focusing tool, i breathed in the life unfolding in me and through me. Again, i re-dedicated self as a conduit to serve life and the people. Hanging the ties from the pine tree in the front yard of the home i am staying in, the depression lifted and peace came into me with the breath. In under 24 hours the chaos began to loosen its hold on me. Situations that were not resolving were now resolving. There were many layers of situations one relying on the other to reach resolution and now one after the other resolution was created and the next puzzle piece and the next clicked into place.

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I have been confusing career with vocation.

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I have been assuming that the career and vocation were one. Perhaps because so often they have been one. I never questioned if it were possible for them to not be one.

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"When you are working within the field of Fortitude ....Some form of humiliation is often part of the picture, so you may face obstacles that will humiliate you while you are trying to ground your vision into everyday reality. The reason for the humiliation is mystical in that you are forced to relinquish your personal vision of how something should be accomplished, allowing for the divine plan to be set in motion."

Taken from DEFY GRAVITY by Caroline Myss

www.Myss.com

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The Pathway of MOTHER

This morning my daughter, Pure Joy, spoke of spiritual practice (called by some sadhana). She voiced concern related to not finding time for prayer, introspection and meditation as her time is so completely taken up with the care of her Little Lightning Boy. She spoke of levels of exhaustion wherein she could not stay awake or focused to pray.

How well i remember those days of holding, rocking, nursing, bathing, touching, touching touching with compassion and peace the little ones given to my care. The extended period of exhaustion was beyond anything i had experienced before or since that time. Yet concurrently there was a joy and peace beyond anything before or since. How i remember breathing in the essence of the little one, the purity, the life force so powerful. It was and continues to be humbling to be chosen to be Mother by Creator, Creation and the Spirit coming in as my child.

We then discussed BEING MOTHER as a pathway to the Center of All Things, my daughter shared her practices now and i shared my practices during that time when i was Mother to little ones. Practices wherein we are for days, months and years continually 'on call' to meet the needs of the little one given into our care.

By necessity related to the commitment to be Mother, there were/are no extended times for going into physically quiet places for long periods of focused melting and melding with spirit. It seems my daughter and i have both come to similiar practices to assist in centering. They are practical and simple and most important they really work to create opening to spirit in a good way.

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Be present in the moment, knowing that BEING MOTHER is The Practice

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Each breath is a prayer. There may not be time to have extended focused prayer/meditation, however a single breath with focus can be the prayer

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Put on Music that is prayer or sing to yourself and your little ones songs that draw us upwards to places of peace

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Read the words of those who love Creator and Creation while you are sitting and nursing your little one

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While preparing food, serving food, eating, feeding the little one put good thoughts/prayers into the food so that this is also a prayer

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Washing self, washing the little one is more than a physical cleansing, it is a cleansing of spirit also

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Washing clothes, washing dishes, folding clothes, drying dishes, this is also a prayer

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All care of the Little One is a prayer

... all is a prayer

... all is a prayer

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All is a prayer

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All is a prayer

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All is a prayer

The Way of the Heart

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The World According to Turtle Island Nomad, which may have nothing to do with your reality

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I am drawn to the Christ. Differentiating Christ from Jesus. Jesus was the man who carried the Christ Medicine / manifested the Christ Spirit. The Christ Spirit is the Spirit of LOVE prevading ALL. I honor the man Jesus and he was a man ... only a man. The difference between this man and others is that he chose to open himself completely to the LOVE. He became a conduit to serve the people. He gave his life as a gift to the people.

The mystics of the Christian pathway speak across the centuries to ALL WAYS. They speak in the language of those who follow the Christ way - and - for those who have ears and heart to hear, THEY SPEAK TO ALL WAYS.

The mystics / those who love Creation and Creator . . . speak the same language. They speak HEART.

There is only ONE WAY to the center of all things. That way is not only 'Christian', it is not only 'Buddhist', it is not only 'hindu', it is not only 'Zoroastrian', it is not only Lakota ....(choose any number of other pathways from across the Mother Earth and add in here)....

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I have a certainty that Jesus who manifested the Christ spirit would have no problem:

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*Practicing Lojong Tonglen with the Buddhists

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*Revere and hold sacred the living world as the Zoroastrians do

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*Use the japa mala/prayer beads with the Hindu practioners

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*Crawl into the Inipi to pray with the Lakota People

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With this in mind, consider reading THE CLOUD OF UNKNOWING. It is not an easy read and it shares the 'signs' common along the way to all who choose to follow the way of the heart. Feel free to insert the language of the path you have chosen to follow to help understand the insights offered. This book is a map of the terrain of the awakening heart. This book in it's entirety is on line at Googles book site whose link is at the bottom of this post. Directly below are a few short quotes from this book:

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"Be willing to be blind,

and give up all longing to know the why and how,

for knowing will be more a hinderance than a help."

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"But now you will ask me

'How am i to think of God himself, and what is he?'

and i cannot answer you except to say,

'I do not know' for with this question you have brought me into the same darkness,

the cloud of unknowing where i want you to be."

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"God, unto whom all hearts be open,

and unto whom all will speaketh and unto whom no privy thing is hid.

i beseech thee so for to cleanse the intent of mine heart

with the unspeakable gift of they grace,

that i may perfectly love thee, and worthily praise thee.

Amen"

*****

http://books.google.com/books?id=8PEJ-rfFj_oC&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+cloud+of+unknowing&hl=en&ei=xajeTOznKI3_nAfzisnXDw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result#v=onepage&q&f=false

PATHS CONVERGE

If i go far enough in any direction on true spiritual path, there is convergence with other true paths. Just as Turtle Island herself is criss-crossed with roadways to meander or move with resolve and intention, just so spiritual practice has 'hook-up' points.

WE ARE ALL CONNECTED.

Today i came across a small connection point. i was at the OSHO web site (www.osho.com) reading an atricle on the Aum sound. (Aum: Universal Panacea). Osho says, "The Aum creates within you the shivalinga, the egg-shaped energy circle. When you become perceptive you can even see it." Later in the same article he states, "The moment this happens to you, languor has disappeared. Now you are high energy." Osho says, "When you become silent with the chanting of Aum, you are sheltered, calm, quiet, collected. In that collectedness you can see which is the real voice which is coming from you, which is authentic." I interpret this "real voice" as wisdom when there is a gaining of insight from inner quidance.

In Lakota tradition (the people of the plains of Turtle Island) there is one who is talked about much, Iktomi the spider trickster. What is not spoken of as often is the origins of Iktomi. Before Iktomi came to be, there was Ksa. Ksa was the child of Inyan and Wakinyan. Ksa is wisdom and as such guided the people to places of being in wisdom. Ksa was later transformed into Iktomi when people stopped listening to wisdom. Some accounts say that Ksa was egg-shapped or odd shapped. Other accounts say he was born from an egg. For further information on Ksa one source to consider is the books by James R. Walker (Lakota Myth, Lakota Belief and Ritual).

The reference to EGG SHAPED is the connection point for me. Both pathways associate this EGG shape with Wisdom, listening and hearing innner guidance.

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When will we return to the Aum vibration that prevades all creation.

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When will we return to the wisdom of Ksa?

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There is much more that can be written about the fall from that place of Wisdom which occured when the people stopped listening ... to the aum ... to Ksa. That however is a topic for another day.

SETTLING IN ... soon

SETTLING IN ... soon

Interesting is it not ... the way we make plans and then the Universe seems to have other ideas. Here i am sitting in the corner ... raising my hand but the teacher does not notice me. Though i do not want to be so ensnared in STUFF as previous, i find over the last month or so a desire to settle in one spot, at least for a time. The old bull nature is reasserting itself. Winter is coming and i want to move into a quiet and safe place. After 4 months of traveling i am ready to lay my head in the same spot every nite ... at least for a while... Maybe the hollow of an old tree ... bedding down with the critters (oh maybe not that, as i do like having a heater ... but it is a sweet picture isn't it??!!)

I have enjoyed the last 4 months. It has been a time of learning and growing up. Not one step would i change . . . it has been worth it.

I have been from Florida to Georgia to North Carolina to South Dakota to North Carolina to Georgia to South Dakota to Utah to California to Oregon to South Dakota to Colorado.... and of course all the states you drive thru to get to these states.

Simultaneously, since California i have been applying on line for work with Indian Health Services in South Dakota. To date, i have put the application in 4 times. After each of the first 2 applications i called the local HR office in PineRidge. Each time they told me the application had not gone thru though each time i got e-mail confirmation that it had gone thru. After the 3rd application i called the central office at Aberdeen and a hard working HR employee has been helping me. Together we put thru a 4th application which showed up as going thru on my end but not on her end. Then today she saw that there are 2 seperate applications for the same job. One to be filled out by federal employees and native americans and another to be filled out by 'others'. i am an 'other'. The HR employee stayed on the phone with me and attempted to walk me thru the application for non federal and native american ... and it would not even allow me to enter the application for this job. the HR person also tried and was denied access.

Winter is coming. You can smell it and feel it. The desire to settle in for winter is strong ... and i am still dancing on the wind.

Presently i am sitting homeless in a library, using thier wireless, to let you know ... "Oh my, not sure what is next." Optimism continues as i bought a new stethescope today as my other is in North Carolina.

....soon....

DIRECTION

DIRECTION

The direction of the day is NORTH. The color of the day is RED. Time to look inside and see. Driving in a red car on roads that are literally red related to the clay on the roads.

i had a dream last night i was with one of my sisters, Patticake. We were laughing our heads off til tears came to our eyes. . . or maybe we were crying just as hard with sorrow. Either way, the salty tears reminiscent of the amniotic waters flowed.

Birthing

Waters breaking

Breathing

The beauty of this life . .

breathing it in

It brings me to my knees

Life pulses in and through

Forever.

How are we to survive this exquisite sensation:

Being born . . . over . . . and over . . . and over . . .

The only thing we can do is dance

TRAVEL PLANS

i was always MAKING PLANS . . . this is how i lived most of my life ........ with lists and plans stretching years and years in advance and now, to the query: WHERE ARE YOU GOING? The answer is:

i am not sure

or

where the winds of the four directions and the little whirlwind takes me.

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The best laid schemes of Mice and Men

oft go awry,

And leave us nothing but grief and pain,

For promised joy.

- - - Robert Burns - - -

Salt Water -

Amniotic fluid of Mother Earth

In two weeks i am out of Florida. You might think i am being chased out by the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico and the true disaster that is still impending as a result , however my plans to leave were made long before the BP oil fiasco. First conscious plans to leave florida occurred in 2005. However, in 2005, i was not willing to do what needed to be done to get moving. Now i have chosen to give away, throw away and sell anything i could not fit into a little 10 x 10 storage space.

It is not that i am looking for a SAFE PLACE. There may not be any place safe from the selfish motives of the two-leggeds. (i do not let myself off the hook here. Part of what is driving me at this time is seeking to move away from my own selfishness.) Actually, i think i am moving away from safety in the traditional sense. After a life time of seeking safety, this is no longer my prime focus.

I had thought that Florida with it's shifting sands was a place with no solid ground for me. That is true. But it may also be that by the very nature of this unfolding and transformation, the shifting sands will be where i am, no matter the physical location. So, we are back to homeostasis. The theme of this period. Homeostasis, the moving and ever shifting balance. Homeostasis, never the same, always changing.

The homeostasis of the Gulf of Mexico and the land masses surrounding her are in grave danger. Say prayers. Pray hard. The Mother is suffering. The salt water is the amniotic fluid of the Mother Earth and it is being filled with substances never meant to mix with water. Without healthy amniotic fluid The Mother will not be able to bring forth new life.

Start now, breathing in the suffering and breathing in the beauty. It is all there. Return the suffering transformed to love. Return the beauty unadultered and perfect. Be the conduit - be the hollow bone. Let your breath be your prayer. It is that simple. It is not big words or long sentences that make the prayer. The prayer is our life and our life runs on the breath.

I can not even come up with a title for this one

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After a life time of BELIEVING. Dropping belief. No longer believe that there is any solid ground under my feet. No longer believe there will ever be a way to get solid ground under my feet. No longer believe there is even such a thing as solid ground. Homeostasis is the foundation. Homeostasis is a dance. Reason is illusion. Security is a made up word. This one has given up on making sense out of the chaos.

A great and ancient stone knife is cutting through the middle of all things - cutting through the midde of the one doing this writing. Digging and looking - but not seeing anything. In utter darkness and blinding light.

Living in two worlds and now neither one makes sense. Living between the two realities is tearing apart EVERYTHING. No longer having any desire to hold IT together. No longer looking for life to make sense. Running screaming naked and exposed. There is not even a man behind the curtain to blame IT on.

How have those who have come before survived this great and awe-ful tearing apart? This has no reference point.

The scam perpetrated on all of us is tremendous.

Don't follow me, i don't know where i am going. I do know there is tremendous power here but it is all chaotic. I am dangerous. Look out.

i am not manic. i am not depressed. i am not delusional. i am crazy. i am peaceful. i am ordinary.

Maybe i will wake up tomorrow in suberbia in a lounge chair with an umbrella drink in my hand. Maybe but i doubt it.

Great hooves thundering across the plains. The whole earth is shaking now. They are coming.

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Don't be afraid to cry.

It will free your mind of sorrowful thoughts.

-attributed to the Hopi

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Our first teacher is our own heart.

-attributed to the Cheyenne

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You can't wake a person

who is pretending to sleep.

-attributed to the Dine'

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When a man moves away from nature

his heart becomes hard.

-attributed to the Lakota

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STILL BREATHING

So that is something. i am Still Breathing.

I disagree with Maslow' Hierarchy of needs related to HOMEOSTASIS.

Homeostasis should be simultaneously on the bottom (physiological) and the top (self actualization).

Maybe more on this later. Maybe not.

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"The first peace, which is the most important is

that which comes within the souls of people

when they realize their relationship,

their oneness with the universe and all its powers

and when they realize that at the center of the universe

dwells Wakan Tanka

and this center is really everywhere,

it is within each of us."

Black Elk

LONELINESS vs SOLITUDE

Why is this being human so very lonely sometimes? Even when surrounded by loving friends and family it can be so lonely. Conversely being alone in the woods can be peaceful and comforting - in a place of at-one-ment (atonement) with life. Clearly external circumstances alone do NOT dictate loneliness vs solitude.

Two of my daughters recently had babies. I spent time with them, attending the births and being with the new families as they got started. It was a time rich and full. It was a time of connection when loneliness was not a concern.

I then spent time with my daughter in Oregon who has a one year old. This also was a time of fullness when there was no loneliness.

Soon after the time with the daughters, i did spend time alone in the woods. Though this time was difficult in many ways, it was not a time of loneliness. It was a protected space rich and full of life. Clearly there is more to this loneliness vs solitude than proximity to other people.

I love my daughters and the heart overflows when i think of them. Being seperated from them and now from the little grandbabies is so painful. Now i feel lonely. Now my heart aches to a level that it is excrusciating. It is easy to think that the loneliness comes from being seperated from the daughters and the grandbabies. However, i am not sure that this is the case. That is to say, i am not sure if the source of the lonliness is seperation from my beloved family. Perhaps the true source of lonliness is selfishness coming from me. Let me explain.

When i was with the family my focus was on them. The intention to be there for them and to help them was paramount. Now, the focus has returned to Me, Myself and I. Perhaps the lonliness is a by-product of self absorbtion. When alone out in the woods, again the focus was not on the self. It was a time of prayer - occasionally for self and most often for others. There was no lonliness when the focus was NOT on self.

WHAT IS TO BE DONE - - - Sitting with this deep loneliness i feel now and not trying to FIX it - Not judging this loneliness as good or bad - seeking to not manipulate my daughters and make them feel responsible for my loneliness - seeking to not endlessly distract myself from this place of lonliness by going endlessly to the movies or out to eat or talking on the phone with friend after friend after friend. The restlessness starts to slow down as i just sit and observe.

This loneliness is all part of being fully human. Being in solitude is also all part of being fully human. One is not better than the other. Though solitude is certainly more comfortable than lonliness. However if we are choosing the journey of awakening - it is not all about comfort.

Escaping loneliness through distraction will never bring lasting satisfaction. Loneliness will always return. Oh well, it is time to accept who i am and who you are. We are human beings who are sometimes more or less lonely. There is nothing wrong with us. There is nothing to fix. We can allow ourselves to just be in the middle of this life which contains these components. Sometimes we are lonely and sometimes we are in peaceful solitude. One is not better than the other.

So ... ... ...

The monotomy and solitude of the quiet life stimulates the creative mind.

Albert Einstein

Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone and the word solitude to express the glory of being alone.

Paul Tillich

The good and the wise lead quiet lives.

Euripides

Solitude is the price of greatness

Paramahansa Yogananda

HOUSE-LESS

House sold. 40,000 under mortgage was the offer. Bank accepted in 14 days. I was told the banks often takes a year or two to accept an offer. i will be homeless before the end of May 2010. No plans on where to go or where to live. It does not bode well for the economy that the bank agreed without a fight. Perhaps this one being with little to no income and high overhead had something to do with their choice.

Almost in freefall.

I have no regrets for the choices i have made. i have followed my heart and looked to have good intention along the way.

A Taurus without firm ground underfoot - now that is an unusual bull. I hear the ground rumbling with the running hooves of my brothers and sisters. I also hear the ground rumbling with earthquakes, hurricanes and tornados. Perhaps there are others who sense, feel, see and know: the time for change is here.

For this one it is Yumni - the little whirlwind - dancing and playing as though the coming change were just a little thing. Asking me to come and play with destruction and creation.

Will i survive the change? "Do not ask such foolish questions", Yumni tells me.

DANCE WITH ME

CONTROL Intellectually i know IT is about letting go of micromanagement control. The heart clearly knows it is about letting go of this kind of control. IT being this dance in and through life here on Turtle Island. Trying to totally manage the chaos actually prevents homeostasis. Being able to dance and move with changes to maintain balance sometimes requires pre-conscious level choices ... letting go of control. There is a choice: MAINTAIN CONTROL which brings with it nervousness, anxiety and the uneasy gut ... or ... LETTING GO OF CONTROL and being flowing and alive in the moment. Being in human form, there is usually a level of moving between the two. How good it feels to let go and be in the moment: breathing in the living air of the Mother Earth, drinking her water of life, letting the day take care of itself. i have a feeling (which may or may not be accurate) to completely relinquish control may be to also relinquish this human life. So it is a balance. Breathing in. Breathing out. Taking in. Giving out. Taking control. Releasing control. The suffering is as beautiful and the joy. The night as beautiful as the day. The poignant sweetness of this life brings gratitude. A family member made the journey yesterday. While here on The Mother he embraced Her and all of Her Gifts with love and a thankful heart. He took care of business and he gave his life to prayer. He loved his wife and he loved his daughter. He called things as he saw them and was honest in a refreshing way. He moved into the direction of his heart with intention. When he saw the direction was set to journey, he went with the flow. He did not seek to control this thing. He laid down prayers and went with the flow. We will miss you dear one. We are grateful we were able to spend some time with you. Your bravery is an example to emulate.

With love and respect ... Wopila / Thank You ... Good Journey

DARING It is NOT about clean edges. It is NOT about keeping safe. It is about daring to be real and authentic. It is about throwing away the morays of right and wrong set by society and flying the colors of Creation and Creator. This scares me more than i have words .... and that being said .... at this point NOT following the dictates of spirit scares me even more. Basically flying blind with unfolding from moment - to moment - to moment. Do i hear Creation clearly? This one likely misses the target numerous times. i just keep resetting and adjusting direction and intention over and over and over.

I didn't trust it for a moment, but I drank it anyway, the wine of my own poetry. It gave me the daring to take hold of the darkness and tear it down and cut it into little pieces.

--Lalla, Contemporary of Hafiz

LIFE

It is all about the breathe. Breathing in. Breathing out. As i sit here holding a baby not yet 4 days old. Listening to the breathe moving in and out. Moving out and in. What do we breathe in and out? For humans on the mechanical level there is gas exchange / ventilation carried out by the actions of the heart and lungs and then disbursed by the circulatory system. Breathe transports oxygen into the body and takes carbon dioxide out of the body. Here is what is also happening right now between this little one and i - the little one is breathing the flavor of me in along with the oxygen and then the little one is releasing out not only carbon dioxide but the flavor of self which i then take in. We are getting to know one another. This little one and i are also breathing in, listening to life through the breathe. We are breathing in all that is happening around us. We are one with all of Creation through the breathe. Creation is taking us in also. WE ARE ALL CONNECTED on a very basic and fundamental level. There is no way to not be connected. We can be out of touch and not be aware of that connection. However, that connection to all that IS continues unabated despite not having conscious awareness. We breathe in and out joy. We breathe in and out suffering. Life is a dynamic and continuous seeking of homeostasis. It is all about balance. This is a very intimate exchange and yet we are without awareness for the most part of this very intimate and continuous exchange. This exchange, this seeking of balance is love. Some say the only thing we really have to give in this life is our body. This is true. However, we also have a choice as to what is given with this body. Each breathe is potentially a prayer. Through the breathe we can connect - be a conduit - be a hollow bone. Is your breathe a prayer to be a hollow bone for love and balance?

ONE BREATHE AT A TIME WE CAN OFFER OURSEVES WE CAN OFFER OUR LIFE AS A GIFT TO OUR RELATIVES

THINKING I have been doing IT again - thinking. It does have it's place. However, so often this one puts thinking where feeling is really what is needed. Logical deductive reasoning which the European construct is so fond of using does have it's place - however - it is optimally a small side car to the life lived and pulled out only as needed. Is all this blogging THINKING? OH YA - at least a thread to connect to words and then place those words in an order to be understood. There is no getting around it. To be here on Turtle Island requires some thinking. Watching my communication with others of late, i see much has come from thinking through issues. This thinking creates foolishness when used to excess. Looking back over the last few days i see i have thought and sadly shared much which is foolishness. Pontificating as though what is being said by this one is actual substance when it is bovine scat. Oh my. Apologies need to be made for putting those i love through THE WORLD ACCORDING TO ME.

. . . sorry . . .

Perhaps this is yet another issue related to being in human form . . . this separation from source wherein communication has a component of thinking along with the feeling. It seems we must spend scads of time forgiving self or we will be building up a big pile to be climbed over before real communication can occur. On the other hand, maybe this thinking is okay. It is what it is. Continuing on . . .

STILL BREATHING

KNOWING We know what is so clearly. Yet we insist on pretending we do not know. Why do we do this? Think about it honestly - it is very rare for you to be really surprised by events. You pretend to be surprised but you are not really surprised - except in rare circumstances. Sometimes truth comes quiet but often she comes like a great crow cawing loudly and looming large in the tree next to you. Even when crow does come quiet like the dark of her night feathers, she is after all a creature of the day and can be clearly seen if we will only look and see. We have agreed to dance. We have agreed to dance with our partners, friends, family. Even those we meet only one time and never again we have agreed to this dance with them. We agreed to be born into this life. The Mother Earth welcomes us. We are her children. In dreamtime some years back i was shown / given a message which i continue to carry with me: I am in a high place with my family. We all love each other very much and know we are family. There is no one and there is no thing that is not family. We are all connected. We are all related. The Teacher asks us if we will enact a play. We all agree to be in this play. Some of us will play the part of 'bad guy' and some of us will play the part of 'good guy'. We are all admonished to remember - "This is only a play. It is not real. We are all family." The play begins. I am given the part with some of the family to be a human type creature but with wings to fly high in the sun light. Other family members are like great slugs who move through the mud in the deep places of the earth and never see the sun. As part of this great play we are to 'pretend' to be enemies. We are to pretend to fight one another as the light opposing the dark. In the beginning i remember and know that those slug people are my beloved family. However, somewhere along the way i forget. Somewhere along the way i come to think that i am a beautiful being of light and they are ugly creatures of dark to be destroyed. Then in a twinkling the play is over. The teacher is so sad. Many of us forgot it was only a play. We did not just pretend to attempt to destroy each other. From the deep places of our being we really tried to end the existence of the the other. How often do we bury our knowing of truth? How often do we forget that we are family so we can make it 'okay' to take from one another without concern for how the other is affected? This one has lived a gluttonous life. How long will i pretend to not know truth? Again the commitment is made to walk with you as family. Please forgive me, i forget.

Mitakuye Oyasin All My Relations